I am from Illinois, and grew up all over the world really. I traveled and lived in several states, and lived overseas. I am 34yo Preop Transsexual. I have been this way all my life, but only confronted, and accepted myself in the past 5 years. During my yournger years, I was beaten, and emotionally abused from my dad, and brother, and other members of my family for being different. I was told to grow up and be a "man". The only problem was, I didnt know how to be a man, since I was a woman inside. I wanted to play with dolls, wear dresses, etc....and I was made to play sports, join the army, play footballl, and get married. I did this to gain the approval of my family, but I recently realized, no matter what I ever did, it wouldnt be enough. They knew who I was, and tried to keep it from me for a long long time. I am soooo happy to finally be where I am today, and I have no contact with my family since I came out. I do talk with my half-sister, and she and I have become closer than ever. This journal will hopefully let me express myself, and the feelings I am having, and possibly, tell you a little of what goes on in my life.